李阳家庭暴力的问题之前就见诸报端，最初看到新闻的时候让我甚为惊讶，因为心理上我一直以为虐妻的事情应该已经在社会中不常见了，而发生在受教育程度高的家庭更被我认为是极小概率事件。然而现实无情地否证了我这样一个一厢情愿的假说。家庭暴力在中国恰恰是十分常见的现象，高中时代热播的电视剧《不要和陌生人说话》里的家暴场景对很多中国人来说，可能是常常发生的事情。 援引人民日报 08 年的数据，中国的家庭暴力发生率高达 29.7%—35.7%（这实在是个不该也无法忽略的数字），而女性受害者则占到总数的9成。 http://news.xinhuanet.com/society/2008-10/07/content_10158297.htm 比发生家庭暴力更糟糕的事情，是发生之后，民政和司法部门的不作为。有非常多的例子显示，被暴打的女性即使向警察机关求助，只会得到家庭内部矛盾，自行解决的回复被拒绝施以援助。面对极其严重的家庭暴力，司法判罚也常常出现重判女性过错方，而轻判男性的偏袒，违背法律公平性的原则。把中国当作第二故乡的李金（ Kim lee ），也不幸成为这个群体中的一员。她遭受家庭暴力不是一天两天，虽然长期以来一直因为感到丢脸而不好意思伸张出来，但是今天的她终于敢于袒露心声，并希望推动中国为防治家庭暴力的立法出一份力，这是值得敬佩的事情！虽然从某个角度上讲，这是揭露了中国的黑暗面，但是从另外一个角度上讲，让这些阴暗面暴露出来，公开讨论，才更有助于促进中国的进步，这实质上是爱中国的表现！ 在喜迎新春之际，我祝愿李金女士，以及和她有着相似生活经历的女性们健康幸福，祝愿中国法制进步！ ------------------------ 附李金女士原文（ http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/30/opinion/abuse-fear-and-shame-in-china.html?ref=china_r=0 ）： BEIJING — With fresh bruises on my face and body, I sat in a smoke-filled, fluorescent-lit Beijing police station with my crying two-year-old in my arms. I was incredulous at the reaction from the duty officers. “If a man jumps on a woman’s back and beats her head into the ground 10 times, that’s not a crime? If someone did this to me on the street outside, you wouldn’t file a report? There is no law against that behavior in China?” The police officer stammered and said, “Well, of course that is a crime.” So I continued, “But because the man was my husband, it’s O.K.? Being married makes it legal to beat a woman?” A female officer said to me, “You and your husband are both good people, just calm down a little, go home, everything will be fine.” Barely able to see clearly, I pointed to my swelling forehead and said, “Does this look fine to you?” I was trying to file a report against my husband for assaulting me, but as far as the police were concerned, no crime had occurred. After an afternoon of pressing the police to acknowledge the crime and failing, I went home and posted a picture on Weibo, a microblogging platform, showing only my injured forehead, hoping that some friends among my 23 followers would respond to a cry for help. Launch media viewer Daniel Stolle My photograph unleashed a torrent of pent-up frustration, agony and support from abused women across China. Within hours of my post, it was forwarded and commented on by more than 20,000 people. I was inspired by the reaction, and the next day went again to a police station and insisted on making an official report. The saga took more than a week and eventually the police officially acknowledged my husband’s abuse. My now ex-husband is a prominent Chinese businessman, famous for a chain of English-language schools that we built together. I’m an American who has adopted China as my home. Our story was played out in the media, leading to widespread attention on us, and more importantly, on the cause of domestic abuse. In the two and a half years since the attack, I have partnered with the United Nations and a Beijing domestic violence organization to foster awareness of the problem and help victims. The All-China Women’s Federation reports that nearly 25 percent of married women in China have experienced domestic violence. But the abuse is far more prevalent than those numbers show: A large percentage of attacks go unreported. When women find the courage to go to the police, they most often meet the kind of resistance I did. Meanwhile, the legal system favors men — even abusive men — leaving desperate women few options. I’ve received countless messages from Chinese women describing a culture that denies there is a problem. One woman wrote to me in frustration: “I accompanied my injured mother to the police station, but the officers here didn’t even know the term ‘domestic violence.’ They only say that this kind of “private matter” or “family problem” is common and there isn’t anything they can do.” When abused women are ignored by the police, the last legal option is divorce in civil court. But divorce still carries a heavy stigma for Chinese women, and this is another strong deterrent for women to take action against abusive husbands. Those who pursue divorce have an uphill battle: Among all divorces filed on the grounds of domestic violence, about 3 percent are awarded on this basis alone. If the court fails to recognize the husband’s violence but still grants the divorce, the result can be financially devastating for the woman. Even more horrifying, divorce puts the woman at risk of losing custody of her children, as the parent with the higher income is seen as the better caretaker. Those who have never lived through domestic violence often wonder about the victim, “Why didn’t she just leave?” The answers to this question are varied and complex, but for women in China there is a very practical answer to consider: There is no place to go. Support services are few and far between even in the largest cities, and there are no functioning shelters to speak of. Faced with the prospect of a lengthy divorce that could end up costing a woman her home and her child, is it any wonder that prisons are full of women who attacked their husbands with axes and fruit knives rather than rely on the law to protect themselves? Surveys of some women’s prisons have shown that more than 60 percent of inmates were sentenced for injuring or killing their husbands in retaliation for domestic violence. Many women convicted of killing their husbands serve life sentences, while most men who beat their wives to death serve only several years in prison. In 2009, a 26-year-old Beijing woman, Dong Shanshan, reported her abusive partner to local police eight times, only to repeatedly have her bruises and complaints dismissed as “family problems.” She was later beaten to death by him. He received a sentence of six and a half years, for the crime of “maltreatment.” China needs better domestic violence laws. Only a smattering of local courts are able to issue protection orders against abusive husbands. A national anti-domestic violence law has been drafted and is under consideration by the government. The legislative process is too opaque to know where things stand. Its opponents say that “family matters cannot be legislated,” yet last year the national government passed a highly publicized law requiring grown children to visit their elderly parents. It is heartening that some localities are pushing ahead with anti-domestic violence laws in the absence of a national law, but it is not enough. Only a national law can drastically raise awareness that domestic violence is in fact a crime. It would give women something to reference when turned away by the police or even to warn abusive husbands with. In the aftermath of the publicity around my case, I was often asked by incredulous Chinese media why I, as an American, put up with my husband’s violence. I don’t think nationality makes a difference when it comes to the shame and fear women feel about speaking up. No woman is eager to say her family isn’t happy. No woman is proud of the fact that the man she loves beats her. I’m sure my nationality contributed to the amount of attention that my case received, but certainly no more than the fact that my Chinese ex-husband is a celebrity. Domestic violence isn’t a country- specific problem or a cultural phenomenon. It’s a crime. Stopping it doesn’t start with laws — though in some countries, like in China, new laws are necessary. It starts with voices willing to rise above geographic, political and linguistic barriers to shout out that domestic violence will not be tolerated, excused or ignored. Kim Lee is a childhood educator and an advocate for the rights of victims of domestic abuse.
女权主义不是认为女性是第一性、是更优秀的性别，主张女性统治男性，也不是要把男性当作敌人或者竞争对手，拒绝两性合作，而是追求男女人格平等，机会平等。中国社会往往极端化，妖魔化女权主义思想，并且这种现象在中国学术界也是比较常见的。我希望我作为男性的一员，能够发出自己不一样的声音，为中国女性争取合理合法的权益，做一些呐喊。即使个人的声音微弱，很容易被男权的潮声所淹没，也要传达给女同胞们——不只是女性才关心女性权益，我们不会因为中国社会男权思想深重，就放弃奋斗！ 较早前，我在自我介绍的博文中，强调过自己是女权主义者，结果很多人搞错我的性别。然而，为啥男人不可以是女权主义者？ 我逐渐确定自己是个女权主义者，起始于 6 年前。当时我在丹麦的哥本哈根大学玻尔研究所做硕士论文，实验室恰巧多为女性——领导实验室的教授以及同时在丹麦科技大学供职的兼职教授都为女性，并且实验室的研究生（含硕士和博士）也有超过一半为女性。一次实验室聊天，我们聊到两性问题，一个丹麦女博士生直接问我是不是女权主义者。当时我对女权主义的名词还有些生疏，当然她解释说是否认同两性应该平等，我便回答是了。在这之后，我开始利用业余时间，阅读关于女权主义的文献资料。这样的深入接触，让我逐步确定，没错，我就是一名女权主义者。 当然，我成长于一个本身性别观念并不那么强烈的家庭，应该也是一个不可忽略的因素之一。首先，我出生自性别观念总体上就不特别强烈的南方。我父母都是煤矿工人，母亲高中毕业，父亲初中毕业。从小，我家就是父母共同承担家务，性别分工并不明显。邻居家也差别不太大。没多少人认为做家务只是女人的责任，甚至邻里间还会攀比谁家的丈夫体贴，分担的家务多。还有必要提的，就是我有一个长我两岁半的姐姐。她从小就好强，学习成绩也很好。虽然她后来改学文科，但是高中数学一样可以有拿满分的实力。对于女人不适合学理科，不擅逻辑的社会偏见，我从小朝夕相处的姐姐都鲜明地把它们打破了。姐姐在外语学习上的天赋，在我还在小学高年级依然没能有机会直接接触英语的时候，也让我羡慕——当然，后来我发现男性不擅外语学习的社会偏见在我身上也同样不攻自破。而后来阅读的大量文献资料，也让我确信这些被当作“真理”在中国广为宣传的认识只不过是应该彻底摒弃社会偏见而已。 参考文献： Elizabeth S. Spelke, Sex difference in intrinsic aptitude for mathematics and science? A critical review. American Psychologist, vol. 60, No. 9, 950-958, 2005. 可叹的是，中国各种社会偏见实在是太有市场了，甚至一些学者，也靠着毫不掩饰自己强烈的性别观念在中国社会出了名，获得了更多的权力和社会资源，代表比如前浙江大学教授，现任贵州大学的校长郑强。当然，女性受压迫，并不是中国社会特有的现象，全世界都广泛存在，只是现今程度上可能存在不小的区别。西方工业革命带来的现代文明，逐渐改变了西方人的两性观念。中国社会发展到如今，女性受高等教育的人数和比例都已经达到甚至超过男性，社会依然普遍存在男尊女卑的观念，实在是挺遗憾的事情。作为一个认同人人平等价值观的知识分子，我希望更多的人能够有意识地来培育中国社会两性平等的观念，让中国变得更平等，更让人舒心。
在当今社会，我们已经看到在全世界范围内越来越多的领域，女性已经在崛起，变得越来越优秀，但是在就业市场，却常常会因为生育的社会责任而无法获得平等的就业机会，有碍于女性为社会的发展做出更突出的贡献，更好地体现个人价值。一个不仅能够有效的帮助解决这个问题，同时更可以惠及男性的做法就是鼓励和推行男性义务休育婴假 (parental leave) ，这样生育小孩之后，男性女性都要休相当的 育婴 假，就业单位就不能以女性生育的理由来筛选应聘者，而会更客观地来评价应聘者的职业技能和就业单位的需求。同时，推行这样的政策，对于男性和孩子也有诸多好处： 1）男人可以有更多的机会参与到孩子的成长过程，培养更深厚的亲子关系，并享受这种更深厚的亲子关系带来的生活乐趣。 2）男人和女人共同承担相当的育儿责任，更有利于孩子的人格培养。因为这样的情况下，孩子受感染的不会是更为单一的女性特质，有利于孩子性格和人格的健康发展。 3）男人和女人通过这样的共同参与，有利于提高共同相处的时间，增加夫妻交流，扩大共同话题的范围，从而有助于增进夫妻感情。在工作压力日益增大的今天，拥有更和睦的两性关系，更多的共同话题，有助于缓解工作压力带来的紧张感，有助于提高生活的综合幸福指数。目前很多国家包括中国离婚率居高不下，甚至逐年升高，而实施 育婴 假、两性关系更为平等的瑞典，自从1995年离婚率（分居率）就已经开始下降了。 4）生活更感幸福带来的正反馈，有助于社会整体形成更健康多元的价值观，有利于挟制拜金主义思想的扩散，降低社会整体的犯罪率。 5) 男性更多的参与家庭生活是时尚男人的新选择。研究表明，男人休 育婴 假并没有减少男子气概，相反，富有爱心细心照看小孩的男士被认为“更性感”和“更有魅力”。 事实上，在不少西方发达国家，比如北欧国家，这样的政策早已经在执行了。人口生育是社会整体的责任，不是也不应当是女性单独的责任，中国现行政策有碍两性平等，有碍社会整体的健康发展。 PS：不少男士一开始也是对 育婴 假心存怀疑的，这也是人之常情，毕竟人类历史上男权社会统治了很长时间。不过一旦他们了解了 育婴 假特别是自己亲自照看小孩一段时间后，无不为自己收获的温馨亲情感到欣喜。比较极端的例子，比如我们认识的一个来自非洲的男士，他们在非洲的生活比较落后，一夫多妻，男的从来不做家务也不看小孩，他的父亲也是这样，他个人也觉得他跟父亲的关系很陌生。他来到瑞典后入乡随俗，决定再也不让自己的小孩像自己那样得不到父亲的关爱，他由衷的享受目前的生活方式，对这种提倡家庭生活平等的政策大为赞赏。 扩展阅读： 男人也可以拥有完整的生活！ http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/10/world/europe/10iht-sweden.html?_r=1 Quotes: “Now men can have it all — a successful career and being a responsible daddy,” she added. “It’s a new kind of manly. It’s more wholesome.” “Society is a mirror of the family,” Mr. Westerberg said. “The only way to achieve equality in society is to achieve equality in the home. Getting fathers to share the parental leave is an essential part of that.”
标签: 两性平等
