101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting的第53课说得很好:"The most creative shortcut to success is to reevaluate what success means to you. If you have adopted the traditional model of success, but are not happy and satisfied with the measure of success you have attained so far, it's wise to create your own model. When defining success, we should go beyond the normal parameters and look at what real success is to us individually. No doubt if we asked a million individuals, we would get a million answers. Every one of us would have our unique version of what we would like to achieve in our lives."好比说,对于一个学习尖子来说,社会上对成功的定义就是考进重点大学。但是如果没有考进呢?该考生就感到不幸福了。那么怎么使自己幸福呢?按照作者的意思,就是要调适自己的心态,改变自己对幸福定义的标准,好比说认为在普通大学学到真本事找到好工作也是幸福,那么该考生就感到幸福了。
第62课说道:"Two people, for instance, can be faced with the same siutation. Yet one will view it as a blessing, and the other will view it as a curse. Change your thoughts and behavior toward problems and the world around you changes. Most negative situations can be transformed instaneously just by changing the context in which we look at them. The degree to which we are able to change the context of the situation depends on how open-minded we are. By being flexible in our thinking--and challenging our beliefs--we set the stage for fresh perspectives and healthier attitude about life."对于同样一件事情,不同的人有不同的看法。好比说到西昌卫星发射中心当工程师,有的人认为这是机遇,有的人认为这是挑战,有的人不愿意去。有时幸福不幸福取决于脑袋瓜有没有“开窍”,即取决于自己的“视角”(perspective)。
另外,嫉妒别人也会带来自己的不幸福。中国有句话说“这山望那山高”,美国成语说"The grass on the other side of the fence is always greener."其实,妒忌别人,说别人比自己幸福只是看到了表面现象。家家都有一本难念的经,别人有痛苦也未必会告诉你,有的人有虚荣心喜欢装幸福。更何况妒忌别人也不能带来自己的成功。比如别人出了很多文章拼上了教授,自己嫉妒别人也没有用,因为最后自己评教授时,接受考评的是自己,不是别人。所以,101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting书的作者说:如果你认为别人围墙里的草比自己家里的草更绿的话,那么就花力气往自己家的园子里浇水吧。