How time flies! Nicole is twenty-seven months old now. Last Wednesday afternoon, when I went to fetch her from the playgroup, Karin, her caregiver, told me that for more than a year, for the first time, she found that Nicole started to fight against other kids over her preferred toy. 'Really,' I got excited at the news. Then I asked her did Nicole tend to grab toys away from others, or did she just struggle with other children taking toys. Karin confirmed me with the latter one, and reassured me that it was indeed a good sign not need to be worried at all. Surely, that’s why I’m excited but not upset or angry.

According to my observation, this little girl usually runs away or just holds her toy more firmly if others want to take it. She will be very sad and start crying if she fails the defense.  Therefore, in my eyes, her defending and fighting mean another important milestone during her development.

One day later, on Friday, I witnessed her rights-protection by myself. I took her out to a kids’ activity center in the city that afternoon. There is an indoor playground for children, and parents can enjoy a leisure coffee time by the playground. Nicole has been very familiar with the place. Several kids had already played there when we arrived. I helped to her to take off the hoes and let her step inside to join in with them. After doing this I ordered a cup of coffee, rested me in the chair, and had an eye on her at the same time.

She walked to the younger ones and had a look. They were turning the wheels hanging on the wall. It looked like not too much fun. Then her attention was attracted to the older kids, who were playing with the slip and slide in turn. It seemed more interesting to her. She went to them, and wanted to climb up the stairs. Then something happened. A little girl right in front of her, at the age of three to four years old, I guess, waved her hands and shouted 'Nein, nein!' to her very loudly. And another girl on the top of the slide, maybe her elder sibling of around five years old, also turned around, echoed 'Nein' to Nicole. I watched and waited for Nicole’s response. Better to leave it for her to solve. She looked very unhappy facing this situation, and she stopped climbing up, stared at them, her eyebrows frowned. But she didn’t give up, while insisted standing at the bottom of the stairs. After a while, both the two girls slipped down. Then she started climbing up, sat down, and slipped to the bottom -- Bravo!! She ran to me and laughed so happily. I encouraged her by applauding. She turned to the slide again joyfully. But this time the two girls were just waiting there, shouted 'Nein!’ to her even louder. Honestly I got a little bit angry, thinking that why their parents don’t come for a discipline. I was getting up from the chair, when I heard my girl’s voice, 'Nein, nein, nein ...', she started fighting back. But I wouldn’t like to see a real fighting. I walked to her, lowered down and asked her if she would like some fruit salad (to distract her focus on the slide). Then we stepped outside.

You can’t imagine how complicate my feeling was that time—she is growing up, and she is becoming more and more capable. And she is beginning to learn about the concepts of independence and ownership. Two-year-olds are such a different story. Actually the fighting and quarreling with other children around this age is considered to be normal and developmentally appropriate. This exciting development implies a developing sense of self: the idea that they are independent beings who can control their own actions. The concept of independence hinges on the basic understanding of “me.” Obviously Nicole understands the distinction between herself and others. And her fighting against others is a completely normal manifestation of this emerging knowledge.

According to child-development specialists, "After the first year, children become aware of specific preferences. As far as they're concerned, if they like something, it's theirs." As they point out, "Mine is often one of the first words toddlers learn and an intellectual milestone; once a child understands the feeling of ownership, he is on his way to learning to share," and "Identifying ownership isn't a sign of selfishness -- it's a sign of knowledge. It demonstrates a desire to understand the world."

However, frequent fighting over toys or other things will not be appropriate or acceptable as the children are growing up day by day, getting more and more focused on the concept of ownership “mine” as opposed to “not mine”. Therefore we adults have to teach them to respect reasonable limits. As a concerned parent, I want Nicole to grow up with friends and social skills, thus ‘sharing’ will be a very important concept for her to understand. Obviously I get the new task. I have to take certain steps to implore Nicole to share and to teach her how to get along well with others -- a new story in the next few months.

google image.

http://blog.chinadaily.com.cn/blog-309597-24157.html